"The Most Monstrous Monster" (Season 1, Episode 16)

[Contributed by Chris Hadgis (chrish@mincom.com)]

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A little boy is throwing a tantrum while his mother argues with a man who is a suitor of hers. His mother is Chun-Shou. Her suitor is the unicorn king. She says if he really loved her and her child, he would keep his promise of getting her son a new toy. The unicorn king is sad because he was born a unicorn. He thinks Chun-Shou does not love him because he is a monster.

The unicorn king asks his subjects for help his advisor says Chun-Shou is spoiled and is just using the king to get things. The unicorn king realises she is selfish, but he loves her, and will not give her up. The advisor tells the unicorn king about the pilgrims and that Monkey carries a toy with him - the magic wishing staff. The advisor says he will get it for him.

The pilgrims are walking along when Monkey smells something.

Monkey: A stink!
Pigsy : A what? I washed last week
Monkey: It's been a long week

Monkey says he can smell a demon, but the others can not.

"Don't try thinking if you haven't got a brain" [Monkey to Pigsy]

Tripitaka: It is holy to bear the unbearable
Monkey : I see. He is certainly unbearable isn't he, so I shall knock him wholly on the head.

Pigsy calls Monkey smelly, several times. Monkey hits him. Sandy calls Monkey disgusting. Monkey hits him too.

Eventually they meet up with a farmer whose cart has broken an axle and is now stuck in the mud. He wants to borrow Monkey's staff to help lift the cart out of the mud. Monkey becomes suspicious of the farmer and suspects him of being a demon.

Tripitaka: Mind your manners before you kill innocent farmers.

The farmer apologises to Monkey but refers to his staff as the magic wishing staff. Monkey hadn't mentioned the wishing staff, and realises the farmer really is a demon. He attacks the farmer, but Sandy tries to stop him. The farmer says the unicorns will get Monkey. Monkey says they are tricky and dangerous, then kills the farmer. Tripitaka sends Monkey away.

The unicorn king grieves for his dead friend and vows revenge. The pilgrims, without Monkey, arrive at the unicorn king's house. He is in his human form.

Unicorn King: It's just like a pigsty
Pigsy: Pigsty? I feel at home

They see the farmer Monkey killed on a table. As the unicorn king grieves, the pilgrims feel guilty. Tripitaka confesses that his disciple, Monkey, killed the farmer. The unicorn king wants him brought to justice, but Tripitaka tells him he has sent Monkey away. Pigsy says Monkey will follow them anyway, so the unicorn king decides to keep them prisoner until Monkey arrives. He tells the pilgrims he wants the wishing staff, then turns into his demon form.

Sandy escapes and finds Monkey. He tells him about the unicorn king but Monkey is reluctant to help. Sandy explains that they are Buddhists now, and that Buddhists don't kill. He asks Monkey to think of a tactic. Monkey comes up with "knock his head off". Monkey flies to the unicorn king with Sandy hanging on the back of the cloud. They arrive at the cave.

"Why do they always live in caves" [Monkey]

Monkey demands to see Tripitaka. The unicorn king comes out and tells Monkey to give him the wishing staff. After trading insults, the fight begins. Monkey beats the unicorn fighters and the unicorn king calls a retreat. Monkey calls them sissies, and insults the unicorn king's horn. The unicorn king agrees to fight Monkey. Monkey throws his staff up high where it splits into several spears which come down at the unicorn king. The unicorn king tosses a golden ring which turns the spears back into the wishing staff, then catches both the staff and the ring. Monkey can't believe it!

The little boy hits the unicorn king over the head with the staff. The unicorn king says now that he has given him the staff, Chun-Shou should marry him. She refuses, again, this time saying that no priest would marry a human and a demon, and she wants a respectable human priest to marry them. The unicorn king asks Tripitaka but he says he can't do it.

Monkey and Sandy are battering down the door to the cave. The unicorn king comes out. Once again, Monkey demands Tripitaka. The unicorn king insults Monkey and challenges him to unarmed combat. Monkey creates warriors from his hair. They attack the unicorn king, but he draws them into the ring.

"We unicorns could take over the whole earth. It's only because we are mythical and nice that we haven't" [Unicorn King]

"My ring could swallow the world. And a sun or two" [Unicorn King]

The unicorn king plies Pigsy with food and wine to get him to convince Tripitaka to marry him and Chun-Shou but he says Tripitaka refuses. He offers to make Pigsy a duke if he can get Tripitaka to help. Pigsy agrees. The unicorn king suggest Pigsy take human form as he finds humans more receptive that way. Pigsy does so. The unicorn king introduces human Pigsy as Hog-Chow, a religious pilgrim following Tripitaka. Pigsy is besotted by Chun-Shou.

Sandy suggests to Monkey that they should get hold of the unicorn king's ring.

"Even fools have ideas" [Monkey to Sandy]

Pigsy flirts with Chun-Shou. Just as he is about to make a move on her, the unicorn king walks in. He wants Pigsy to convince Tripitaka to marry him and Chun-Shou, but Pigsy has other ideas.

The turtle king arrives at the unicorn king's house. He is going to be the best man. Monkey knocks him out and impersonates him. The unicorn king is happy to see him. He says insulting things about Monkey while the 'turtle king' gets visibly upset. Finally, the 'turtle king' asks the unicorn king why he kidnapped Tripitaka and is told that Tripitaka will be released after he marries the unicorn king and Chun-Shou. He also tells the 'turtle king' that the wishing staff is for Chun-Shou's son. Monkey gets upset again. The unicorn king goes off to fetch Chun-Shou.

Monkey returns to his original form and goes exploring. He sees Chun-Shou making plans with Pigsy to run away together. The little boy attacks Monkey. Pigsy tells Monkey to call him 'your grace', and attacks Monkey with cymbals when he refuses. He introduces Chun-Shou as his fiance. The unicorn king enters the room and orders Monkey thrown out.

Sandy berates Monkey for not getting his staff back. Monkey tells him Tripitaka is okay, but the monstrous woman and her son have the staff.

"Unusual, a woman more monsterous than monsters" [Sandy]

Monkey convinces Sandy to take on a woman's form. With some help from Monkey, Sandy turns into an ugly woman. Even Monkey is scared of him. Sandy thinks he is gorgeous.

The little boy wants a new toy. Chun-Shou suggest the unicorn king give him the ring, as the child will tire of it sooner or later. She manipulates the unicorn king by telling him he would do it if he loved her and her son. As soon as he hands over the ring, the little boy is revealed to be Monkey, and Chun-Shou is Sandy.

Another fight begins. Monkey catches Chun-Shou and says she is more evil than most monsters he has fought. He is about to kill her when unicorn king intervenes. He knows Chun-Shou is a selfish heartless woman, but it was he who stole the wishing staff and kidnapped Tripitaka. He knows what she is but he still loves her. He thinks Chun-Shou can not love him because he is an ugly monster. He did what he did for love. He couldn't say 'no' to her.

"To understand yourself is the beginning of wisdom." [Tripitaka]

Tripitaka says no harm wil come to him. Chun-Shou realises she really loves the unicorn king. They are married by Tripitaka with the disciples being guests.

The pilgrims continue their journey.


NOTES:

* In the fight between the unicorn king and Monkey, the unicorn king headbutts Monkey with his horn, then Monkey bites the horn.

* When Monkey and Sandy drop the battering ram, it lands on Monkey's foot.

* When Pigsy attacks Monkey with the cymbals, it appears Monkey's sideburns are becoming loose.

* Pigsy also hits himself with the cymbals.

* This is Sandy's first time in human form.

* It must be cold where they are filming because we can quite often see their breath when they exhale.



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